Saturday, March 12, 2005

Did you ever just not want to think about anything? I have, and it's hard when your mind continues to run rampant, your brain pulsilating like it's got some massive work load, when in retrospect, you're trying to go to sleep. Grasp that, try and understand that. If you find out what it means, then get back to me and let me know.

I've had a heart to heart with myself in the last couple of hours while delving into the first season of One Tree Hill, yes, I'm aware of how gay that sounds. But if you knew the screenname I chose for Blogger, then you'd know I have a Penchant for the Dramatic. Life is a revolving movie reel just waiting to be torn apart, waiting to be spliced with a clip of a giant dick. The truth of the matter is that it's not a level playing field, it never was and I intend to make it so that it doesn't necessarily have to be.

I see the loneliness in peoples eyes and for some reason I need to see that fear in the eyes of a blonde girl, while I'm sitting drinking a glass of water trying to get the taste of beer out of my mouth. If you can look past a person's shell, their looks, then you will truly know them, but then and only then, will you be whole. You're whole when you realize that you're better than most people out there, that you care about the people around you and their feelings. I'm going to be an freckle on the wall of the World from now on, I don't know if I want to be this person that goes out partying every weekend and gets intoxicated and wakes up with a hellacious headache that grips your brain and won't let go. Second though, I know I don't want to be that man. I don't know what man I'm going to become, but when it comes, I'm going to be alone; it's destiny.
I want to promise I'll never drink again, but it's not possible. What I can promise is that I will continue to see the things I see, and feel the stress of my life on my shoulders. I will continue to feel sorrow for those that need it, and those that just are pretending to be something they aren't, because most people wear a mask, and today's the day I take that mask off.

Jim.

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