Doesn't mean you ain't been on my mind...
Listen to the voice that echoes inside your head, seriously. It's usually right. It's common knowledge that people second guess themselves; I do it hourly. Have I made the right decision with what I'm doing? Will it work? Do I need to do what I'm doing? Yes, yes, yes. I don't have to ask myself these questions anymore, because I know the answers full well.
It's true that I quit drinking, I quit, because I'm capable of that type of action, do I want to drink? Not really, not anymore. I want to be the Sober guy, and it's not a big deal, and it's not as big a deal as people make it out to be. You can drink, I just won't. I don't need to drink to have a good time, I just don't. If I want to see the sad looks on people's faces, or the faces behind the faces, I can do that sober. And if I want to remember everything I say, and do, I can do that sober as well, because let me let you in on a little secret: I remember everything.
I don't understand it either, believe me, but I'm not lying. I remember entire nights, I remember conversations, and it's sad that in this short time I've been drinking, 5-6 years, I can tolerate alcohol like that. I remember throwing up, I remember yapping away like a drunken moron, but not being able to control myself. I'm sure most people don't believe me when I'm typing perfectly well, and I'm drunk, but it's one of those things. I have complete control over my body and it's functions, so why do I drink? Why do you think I stopped? I don't know anymore....People drink to get away, people drink to forget...I can't forget and I can't get away, so what's the point. I'm not having fun, because my brain is forging an alliance with the walls and forcing me to be competent. Forcing me to look into the blonde girls eyes and find the truth behind her orbs. I don't even know.
I don't mind saying, that I can't make it anymore. I can't deal with what's going on in my head anymore. It's just like a constant reminder that I'm not capable of dealing with the outside world, not at all capable, but yet, I do it anyway and look at the effect it has. I leave my house at 9:30 pm and find my place a place I can run away too...and don't come back until 11pm. I tell people of the place, but not the name or area, and therefore I can go back again, next friday at the same time, and read my book Winter of Our Discontent - unless I finish it before that.
Thanks for listening, buttheads.
JD
It's true that I quit drinking, I quit, because I'm capable of that type of action, do I want to drink? Not really, not anymore. I want to be the Sober guy, and it's not a big deal, and it's not as big a deal as people make it out to be. You can drink, I just won't. I don't need to drink to have a good time, I just don't. If I want to see the sad looks on people's faces, or the faces behind the faces, I can do that sober. And if I want to remember everything I say, and do, I can do that sober as well, because let me let you in on a little secret: I remember everything.
I don't understand it either, believe me, but I'm not lying. I remember entire nights, I remember conversations, and it's sad that in this short time I've been drinking, 5-6 years, I can tolerate alcohol like that. I remember throwing up, I remember yapping away like a drunken moron, but not being able to control myself. I'm sure most people don't believe me when I'm typing perfectly well, and I'm drunk, but it's one of those things. I have complete control over my body and it's functions, so why do I drink? Why do you think I stopped? I don't know anymore....People drink to get away, people drink to forget...I can't forget and I can't get away, so what's the point. I'm not having fun, because my brain is forging an alliance with the walls and forcing me to be competent. Forcing me to look into the blonde girls eyes and find the truth behind her orbs. I don't even know.
I don't mind saying, that I can't make it anymore. I can't deal with what's going on in my head anymore. It's just like a constant reminder that I'm not capable of dealing with the outside world, not at all capable, but yet, I do it anyway and look at the effect it has. I leave my house at 9:30 pm and find my place a place I can run away too...and don't come back until 11pm. I tell people of the place, but not the name or area, and therefore I can go back again, next friday at the same time, and read my book Winter of Our Discontent - unless I finish it before that.
Thanks for listening, buttheads.
JD
posted by JD at 8:38 PM
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