This is morning...

In the morning, or night actually, is when I spend most of my time thinking. My brain scuba-diving within itself for pivotal information regarding my life and my future. I haven't found that someone, I haven't found that career, and I don't like where I live. I've been offered closet space, but closets are kind of small; I imagine. I'm a hopeless romantic, with really high expectations for love, and family, and total annihilation of the human heart. Therefore, I sit here in the basement, typing on my computer. Episodes of a television show Farmingdale: The Real Long Island that will never see the lights, camera, action aspect of a television show. I wasted my time trying to be something that I might not be.

I struggle to see what's paved in front of me, I can't come to terms with what's going to actually happen. So when I talk about missing a certain place, or thing, or person, it's because I truly do missing that person, place, thing...or noun.

I haven't slept at night in nearly two weeks, I'm not really certain what is wrong with my or my brain, but that I'm tired at times, but then I'm not tired when it's time for bed...I shrug this off as uncertainty towards my new surroundings; because of a jobless atmosphere.

Then there's Christmas. Fuck, I love christmas, excuse my language God, but fuck, I love christmas. There's something in the air, it's similar to Thanksgiving to me, there's turkey, sure, and there's stuffing, and there's family. My family - chowing down on a feature meal that my father has cooked. A meal, that my father claims is going to be a live turkey...fresh turkey. As if the ones in the Supermarker (a butterball) wasn't a live turkey at some point. When you have no money, Christmas really sucks. I mean, I have a substantial amount of money, not a lot though, enough to get through christmas and survive until a job opens itself up before me.

JD